What do women really want...

What do we humans really want from a partner? According to Anthony Robbins, the super coach, women want a man who signals, and pardon the harsh language: “I will fuck you and take care of you for the rest of your life.”

Photo: François Dolmetsch

Since “Mom” and “Milf” (short for “Mothers I’d like to fuck”) are the world’s top three search keywords on porn sites – something seems to suggest that men share the same wish. They, too, want women signaling that they want to fuck and take care of.

From the point of view of a heterosexual woman, this makes perfect sense. It can be a little tiring to meet a man who obviously has nothing else on his mind than sticking something of his into something of mine. It comes across as most unintelligent, pushy, and parochial when his one signal is “I want to fuck you.” My only desire in that situation is to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

A man, however, who is super helpful and caring and who does not relate to me as a sexual being may – at best – become boring and one-sided in the long run and – at worst – be a direct turn-off that I try to get away from as quickly as possible as well.

The former may become a saucy lover if you need someone like that. And maybe the latter can become a good friend.

A greater balance needs to be present, however, for someone to really arouse and keep my curiosity. I want to feel that he is a person who has both brain and heart and sexuality.

Not one or the other. I don’t think that I am the only one feeling like this.

Seen from the perspective of picking up someone, Anthony Robbins thinks that you are right on the mark if you signal both qualities.

But, it is not only at the moment of a pick-up that you strike home with that personality. This also applies in the extreme to the long lasting relationship.

I will risk my neck and state that it is a dynamic applicable to many relationships –including professional ones. Politicians, leaders, artists, salesmen and many others would also benefit from thinking in the same manner.

Fundamentally, fuck me and take care of me is about feeling wanted on the one hand – or ultimately desired. The “Like” phenomena on essentially all social media illustrate this very convincingly. We all want as many likes as possible.

On the other hand, take care of me is about meeting our basic needs for security and love. What “to be taken care of” means to the individual person varies, of course. For someone, it can mean to be accepted for whom he is. For someone else, it can mean to be seen and heard. But, security & love are at the bottom of the hierarchy of needs, and no one thrives without them.

Of course, there is a difference how successfully fuck me and take care of me works in a private and professional context.

In a professional context, it is more about a person who manages to signal I want to fuck you (or in a softer tone “I want you”) also has a strong connection to his own sexual force. People with a conscious connection to their own sexual force generally possess drive and focus. The more they have come to terms with their sexuality, the more honest and authentic they appear.

That creates trust. A fundamental part of any cooperative relationship.

Photo: François Dolmetsch

Sentences like I want to take care of you or in the language of the workplace “I want to help you”, “I want to stand up for you/be loyal”, “I engage honestly in what is important to you”, are on the other hand signs of important personal competencies such as empathy, acceptance and caring.

It creates a sense of balance when a person signals both. It is not just raw lust. It is not just emotions. The balance between them makes people attractive in all aspects of life.

How

To signal I want to fuck you and take care of you is more than just saying it to yourself and then go out or sit down at the negotiating table.

Your sexuality is connected to your whole being. This applies to men, women and all genders in between. No matter how much you may want to, you can not take off your sexuality like a jacket and hang it by the door.

To become aware of yourself as a sexual being will in return increase your impact, create stronger relations to & attract your (future) lover, boyfriend, co-worker, voter or colleague.

It is not a quick fix. It is a process.

But it is both free of charge and requires only that you decide to do so.